drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
