I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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