hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
