Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize