apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
