I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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