I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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