sarcasm needs its own font
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
