Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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