I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize