How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
