My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize