if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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