I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
