you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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