Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
