i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
