So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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