Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
