I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
