So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
