Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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