a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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