bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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