so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This baby is an asshole
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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