Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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