his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
