That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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