So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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