She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
