Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
