Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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