I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
