I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm passing your future prison.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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