I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
