I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
