K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
