Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
