Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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