you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
