I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
