Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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