Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
