i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
