I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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