Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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