There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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