She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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