i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
