Cold hands, warm shart.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
