My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
