I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
