Pappa wants mamma naked
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Randomize
