New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
