I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
