My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
