Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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