A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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