i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
