No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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