she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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